Toon Doctor

Homer Simpson - Dead

"We're going to Moe's. If we're not back, avenge our deaths."

Homer J. Simpson, inventor, IRS spy, newspaper columnist and nuclear safety technician for the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant has died. He was 36.

Mr Simpson died at Springfield Memorial after brief complications, Saturday morning at five a.m. . He was surrounded by his wife and three young children. Simpson was admitted to the emergency unit of the hospital yesterday afternoon. He had accidentally swallowed a rat poisoned donut used for pest control at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, where he worked.

Mr Simpson had no particular goals in life. He once said "the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that when I got here." This incredible devotion to sloth even allowed him to become the first civilian to go into space and come back alive.

"What Kind Of Catchphrase is That?"

Few words convey Mr Simpson"s life like "d"oh."Mr Simpson"s favourite catchphrase was adopted earlier by the Oxford English Dictionary. In the Oxford English Dictionary, "d"oh" means "expressing frustration at the realization that things have turned out badly or not as planned, or that one has just said or done something foolish."

For most of his adult life, Mr Simpson worked at the local Springfield nuclear power plant as a safety technician. His outlook on work was simple, "if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Weaselling out of things is important to learn"

For most of his adult life, Mr Simpson worked at the local Springfield nuclear power plant as a safety technician. His outlook on work was simple, "if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

Though he believed that he "didn"t have the discipline to be a hippie," Mr Simpson had a prolific public career. He was the member of a barber shop quartet during the 80's. There, he earned a Grammy award. He also won a Pulitzer Prize for a series of investigative journalism features.

"Did you know they have the Internet for computers now?"

Mr Simpson never shied away from a good business venture. One ofhis later companies, Internet venture CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet was bought by competition fearing, software magnate, Bill Gates.

Mr Simpson, often unappreciated for his near genius simple observations was a five-foot seven overweight bald man who never hid his lust for pleasure. He was often found at Moe"s, a local bar in Springfield toasting "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"

Mr Simpson was an avid television enthusiast. He called it "teacher, mother,[ and] secret lover!" Some of his favourite television shows were Ron Howard"s Springfield Life, Spanish Bumblebee and football.

Mr Simpson also participated in sporting events. He enjoyed bowling even when he lost. He once told his son Bart, "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

Mr Simpson"s private life was as varied and spectacular as his public one. He was an avid Christian who often shared his interpretation of the Scriptures with his children. "Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

As a husband, Mr Simpson dealt with marital problems directly. "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

Mr Simpson was equally sagacious when counselling his three children. "Kids, you tried your best, and failed miserably . . . The lesson is, NEVER TRY."

"I can be a jerk and no one can stop me!"

Mr Simpson was as lucid with himself. He knew exactly his limitations and approached them reasonably. "All right brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, so let's just do this thing and I'll go back to killing you with beer."

Mr Simpson is survived by his wife Marge Bouvier Simpson, 34, his son Bartholomew (Bart) J. Simpson, 10 and his two daughters, Lisa Marie Simpson, 8 and Margaret (Maggie) Simpson, 1.

Though his wife, once told him "One person CAN change the world, but most of the time, you probably shouldn't." Mr Simpson has changed our lives forever.

Life and Times of Homer Simpson

1955
-Birth of Homer J. Simpson
1974-1975
-Simpson graduates High School
1980
-Homer & Marge wed;
-Homer gets job at SNPP
-Bart is born
1983
-The Simpsons move into Evergreen Terrace;
-Lisa is born
-1989
-Maggie is born
-Homer & Marge's 10th Anniversary

Sources:http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Lair/9604/images2.html
http://www.thesimpsons.com
http://members.aol.com/jynelms/tv/simpsons.html

Hervé St-Louis, August 1, 2001